Dear New Mom (a letter to myself)

Dear Ashley-from-a-year-ago:

Congratulations. You've just brought a new baby into this world. She is beautiful and tiny and everything you could have ever wished for. Although the past 5 days have been rough, you finally have her home with you. The little hole that was made every time you had to leave the NICU without her has been filled... so it should get much easier now, right?

Well...

Last night - your first night home with her - was just a taste of what life will be like for now.

You'll lose count of a lot of things in the next while: You'll lose count of the number of hours of sleep you miss out on. You'll lose count of the number of diapers you change, the number of times you tell someone you're "doing fine", the number of hours (or days) it's been since you last showered, the number of outfits the baby manages to ruin in one day (whether they be her own or yours).

You'll also do things you never thought you'd do: You might go nearly a whole week without leaving the apartment, except to take out the trash or get the mail. You might change your mind on what parenting techniques to use just to make things easier for yourself right in that moment. You might read the entire Twilight series again just to give yourself something to do during those long hours of nursing. You might even snap at your husband in the next week or two before the crazy hormones die down and you're back to your semi-normal self again.

You will worry about the tiniest things. Are her legs supposed to look that bowlegged? Is she getting enough milk? Why isn't she [insert any milestone like smiling, rolling, etc.] yet? Is her poop supposed to be that color? Will her skin be bothered if I use normal laundry detergent? Where did that rash come from? She's been asleep for 3 whole hours... is she still alive??!?!

It is normal to worry. It is normal to lose track of things. It is normal to feel a little crazy, a little sad and empty and drained and weak and unworthy. It hasn't even been a week since you went through the most physically demanding event of your life, after all! Sometimes it will seem like it's too much, I know. But...

First, just know that you're doing great. She's so lucky to have a mom like you. Don't forget that. Any time you're feeling like you don't deserve to be a mom, remember that she will spend her whole life looking up to you and loving you. She wants you as her mom. She loves you and needs you, even if you feel you can't give her nearly enough.

Second... I want you to look at that little baby in your arms. Go ahead, look at her.

She has your eyes. She looks just like your husband. Her tiny fingers wrap around your pinky and she squeaks in her sleep. She is happy when she's close to you; it makes her feel safe, loved, warm, protected. You are her best friend. She gazes into your face as you talk to her. She is a miracle.

She is worth it all.

Every day she gets bigger; every day she learns. Hold her tight... hold her very, very tight! The day will come when you will gladly wish you could give up a little sleep, a little time, a little sanity... just to hold her as a baby again.

Everyone tells you to enjoy the early days with your baby... listen to them! As impossible as it might seem to enjoy it when your hormones are taking you on a rollercoaster ride, it's true. Enjoy it! You will sleep again, and you will (very soon) reach a time when you aren't crying for no reason several times a day. You will be able to do the things you want and have time to yourself. It takes patience, but you'll get there.

In the meantime...

Hold that babe close, breathe in the newborn smell, and savor the sensation of her tiny hand resting on the bare skin of your chest.

Look at her.

Memorize her little face.

Kiss her cheeks, run your finger through her peach-fuzz hair, tickle her tiny toes.

Just promise you won't blink... because that's how fast she'll grow up.

My Top 5 Baby Products (AKA the ones I'll use again)

We are minimalists when it comes to the amount of baby toys and products we own. I mean, we never even had a baby gym or a bouncer! Those are essential baby products, aren't they??!?! But we survived without them. Sometimes I think that it would have been nice to have certain products (legitimate swaddling blankets, for example)... but there ARE a couple products that I am very glad we got, and will definitely keep for next time around! (No, this is not an announcement ;)

Here are 5 of my favorite baby/mother products that have saved my sanity quite a few times:

1) A carrier or wrap
The trick is finding a carrier that works for your baby. Nicole only let me put her in a wrap for the first couple weeks, and then she hated it... so I had to switch to a structured buckle-up carrier (pictured below). Having it has been awesome, though. It frees up my hands and was particularly useful for the several times I had to fly on airplanes by myself and needed both of my hands to carry luggage and Nicole's car seat. The terminals even let me keep Nicole in the carrier when I went through security! This one is nice because I can wear her on my back or front, and she can face out or in.

Really, though. Sometimes your baby just doesn't want to be put down, and you have to get stuff done. I can count more than one instance when I was really glad to have a carrier on hand.

2) An umbrella stroller
Basically, these are miniature, travel-friendly strollers. We borrowed my sister-in-law's to take to Fresno to save on space in the car... and we still haven't given it back. Oops. But it's been super convenient to have because it's so quick and easy to collapse, and it doesn't take up much room in the car or block the entire sidewalk when we use it (which is great when we're at a crowded event). We'll have to get our own sooner or later though, so I've been looking for deals. They're pretty cheap at places like Burlington Coat Factory, but the Disney nerd in me keeps eyeing these. In case you're one of those "I don't click in-post links!" people, here's a picture of one of them. Eeee, Minnie Mouse!

3) A bumbo
This baby seat is magical. We got one the moment Nicole was old/strong enough to sit in one, and she still uses it at mealtimes (we haven't bothered to get a highchair yet, we just slap a bumbo tray on). Nicole has spent many hours in that bumbo, and Doug agrees that it was worth every penny (of course, we found it for half the normal price on KSL, so that's even better!)

4) Muffin the Moose
This toy was another magical hit! It would keep Nicole occupied for long chunks of time whether she was chilling in her bumbo, sitting on our laps out in public, or playing by herself on the ground. The feet rattle and crinkle, the belly squeaks, the antlers are great for teething, the legs are easy for little hands to grab, the tail clanks together, there are lots of colors and textures... she was obsessed. Muffin came with us everywhere for a while. You can see it here on Amazon. The "boy" version is named Mortimer and it has yellow antlers.

Here's a pic of Nicole, her bumbo, and her Moose. They were quite the power trio back in the day. Muffin was her absolute favorite, which was evident by the fact that it was constantly covered in baby drool.

5) A cute backpack for a diaper bag
I used to have a typical "carry-it-on-the-shoulder" diaper bag, but I'm so glad I switched to a backpack. It frees up my arms to carry Nicole and other items at the same time without worrying about the bag falling off my shoulder. Maybe my bag was just built weird, but it was always falling off my shoulder!!! I suppose having a long strap I could wear across my body would help, but I love the backpack. I get lots of compliments on it.

^^^This is the one I have. It holds quite a few things! (Oh, and it's from Kohl's.)

I will say this... I really want to try using a wrap carrier again for my next baby, but I'll use one that's made of a lighter material. I think Nicole just got too hot in the one we had (I know I did!). I've heard that Solly wraps are really breathable... I just don't understand why a strip of stretchy fabric has to be so expensive! There are just so many products out there, and every baby is different! Just wait. I'll be singing praises for different products someday when our family is bigger. I'm calling it.

What am I missing, fellow mommies??? Are there some products that make motherhood a whole lot easier for you? Let me know!

Rain and Funny Moments

Rain.

Rain yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

It's a weather forecast I can certainly live with! (Dear smoke-and-ash-covered hometown of mine, I will try to send some more rain your way! Goodness knows you guys need it.)

My fall decorations are all out, I couldn't help it! And, as you can see, a certain little baby girl has been enjoying the change in weather. She'll just sit and watch the rain. That is... as long as she's safe under a roof. The moment we step out into the rain she scrunches up her face, haunches her shoulders, and whines.

She doesn't want her hair to get frizzy, obviously ;)

A funny moment I wanted to write down: we were eating dinner last night and Doug was talking about how we are not the best example of manners at home for Nicole. He mentioned how the baby would think it's okay to burp at the table... and right after he said it, Nicole let out a dainty little burp. It was the most hilarious thing, the timing was absolutely perfect.

Moments like that make this whole motherhood gig worthwhile. Man, that girl cracks me up.

Hair loss. It's a doozy.

My hair magically stopped falling out during my pregnancy. It was awesome! So much hair! When I combed or brushed my hair there would be only one, maybe two stray strands that would come away.

Now here I am, almost 4 months post-partum, and my hair is falling out in small fistfuls. It's not the greatest feeling in the world. I've told myself that as long as no bald spots show up I can deal with it! I don't want to worry about having a female comb-over. Noooo thank you. Nicole likes to help the hair-loss process along by casually grabbing strands and pulling ;) She does it unintentionally right now, but if she's anything like her cousins then she'll be obsessed with hair not too long from now.

My hair is also getting darker by the day. Look at the roots! (And no, I've never dyed or highlighted my hair.) At this rate, I don't think I'll be able to call myself blonde for too much longer. It's a shame 'cuz I liked my natural golden locks. Maybe some sunshine can fix that? Hooray for spring and warmer weather!

I've also felt great recently because I've limited myself to only posting on one social media site (that includes this blog) every few days, and I love that rule. It's amazing how much happier I feel when I'm not worrying about when I last took a new Instagram photo, wrote a new blog post, updated my Facebook status, etc. (because for some reason I feel an urge to post things while lacking the inspiration to post something "good".)

SO much less stressful. I remember a time when blogging didn't stress me out so much. It was back before I started interacting with other bloggers, actually. I'm making a return to that "blogging is fun" feeling by extracting myself from the outside blogosphere. I even considered making this blog private, but I won't go that far. Just... no more going out of my way to interact with other bloggers for this girl, or worrying about the "quality content or no content at all" rule (which I never follow anyways).

Let me tell ya, I feel better already. Blogging for ME! Let's make this fun again.