All By Myself

If you just sang the title of this blog post Celine Dion-style, then you get brownie points.

Isn't she lovely, folks? And I'm totally going to go listen to that song right now... because... Celine.

For the very first time in our nearly 2.5 years of marriage - yep, you heard me folks, for the very first time since our wedding night - Doug and I are apart from each other. He has been off in California on a work conference (coming back tonight!) and I have been all alone! Is it strange that we've made it this far into our marriage without ever being away from each other? Not even for one night... I think it's a bit strange. We're not clingy people, we just haven't ever taken trips without each other. In any case, this was a whole new experience for me! (And I've been super nervous that baby girl will come early while he's gone, but that hasn't happened!) Despite missing Doug, here are the things I've taken advantage of during his absence:

1) I can eat ALL the junk food!!!!!!
Technically, I can eat junk food while Doug is with me, but him being gone is the perfect excuse to let myself binge a bit. I've been downing my favorite chip and dip combo, eating too much ice cream, made chocolate peanut butter fudge (it's already completely devoured), and even let myself go buy fries at Wendy's. I never randomly buy fries. So that's saying something.

2) I am more focused when I'm by myself.
I find it impossibly difficult to get things done when there are other people around me. If Doug is home, then dishes will go unwashed, laundry unfolded, projects unfinished, etc... unless I really force myself to get things done. Normally I have to make sure that I complete all of my to-do items during the day when he's at work or school. Having him gone for such a long period of time has given me plenty of opportunity to get into a "cleaning and organizing" groove.

3) I can stay up late and be as noisy as I want.
I am a bit of a night owl, while Doug likes to go to bed earlier (he gets up earlier, so that makes sense). Even if I wanted to go to bed at the same time as him, my preggo belly sometimes makes it difficult to fall asleep. Once he's in bed, my activities are limited. For the past several nights, I've been able to keep music running, have the television on, sing to myself, get things done, and go wherever I want in the apartment without worrying about waking someone up. I suppose that being able to make noise keeps me from feeling lonely.

4) Being apart helps me appreciate the time we have together.
This kind of speaks for itself. It's that whole "you don't appreciate what you have until it's gone" concept - only on a less-extreme scale because Doug isn't permanently gone. But having him so far away for a couple days reminds me of how blessed I am to have him. So very blessed. And I can't be thankful enough for that.

Doug, I'm excited to see you again tonight!

Loving Lately

Sometimes, I have to put life in perspective and think about the things that I love in my life.

Lately, I'm loving the rain.

I'm loving how the world is tottering on the boarder between late summer and true autumn. It just needs one little push for fall to officially be here.

I'm loving my husband who makes chocolate chip cookies using only 1/4 cup of chocolate chips (silly boy).

I'm loving piano.

And Seussical.

And I think it's funny how some of those songs I have to play are so intense that I've broken my nails playing them.

I'm loving that those nails are already almost better again so I can paint them. I'm obsessed with nail polish.

I'm loving my new-high-school-freshman little sister who texts me for help with her English homework.

Lately, I'm loving my classes. All 9 of them. Each one of them is a pleasure in its own way.

I'm loving my healthy body that can dance and survive with just minimal sleep.

I'm loving my Savior and can feel His love for me.

Weekly Wishes 8.12

Before I move on to my wishes from last week and the ones for this week, I just want to say... surprise!!!! I gave my blog an entire makeover! This little piece of the web is no longer called Of Thoughts and Things! (I figure everyone is allowed one major change like this in their blogging career, right?)

I even have my own web domain and everything! But there were some issues with that (my campus wireless network thought the website was malware. Campus IT and I are figuring that out right now.) but I should have my new URL up and running in next to no time! There are still some things I'm fixing and updating, so don't point your finger and laugh if something is not working or looks funky. I'm working on it, I promise! It was a lot of change to make all at once. *****Brownie points for you if you know which movie my blog title is referencing!!!*****

Okay!

Let's move on to the main post, shall we?

If you remember from last week, my wish was to get to the final round of at least one of my ballroom competitions. And guess what? I made it to the final round for all 3 events I competed in! Talk about meeting your goals!

My Ballroom/Latin partner and I placed 3rd in the waltz and rumba competitions. Considering that the couples who placed 1st and 2nd for waltz are on the BYU summer ballroom team and we are not, I'd say we did pretty good! And considering that my partner is not a Latin dancer whatsoever, we did pretty well for rumba too! (Pay no attention to the ugly background behind the dancers! We were in the backstage area and it was dark outside, waddaya want from me?!)

We weren't allowed to wear fancy outfits for this competition, so we made sure that we at least matched (hooray for electric blue!) and that I was wearing the flowiest (yes, that's a word!) skirt I owned.

My other partner and I came in 5th for the West Coast Swing competition. And this, I admit, surprised me because he just learned the steps the day before the competition. He just catches on to things really quickly, I suppose. We beat out people who have been practicing for the past month or two.

And, to report on my sub-goal of doing well on my Medals Exams... I got high honors on both Latin and Standard Ballroom! If any of you out there do ballroom dance, you'll understand. This is a big deal! I would have been pleased with just plain ol' honors, but... high honors?! Win! I've got big plans for ballroom dancing. Big big plans.

And now for my wishes for this week:

Mainly, I want to get my apartment entirely cleaned. We'll be going on a trip to California to see my family, and I want things to be in proper order so that I don't flip out over any messes when we come back home. Since the summer term is ending this week, I'll actually have time to clean things! Hooray!

So yes, that means I have to tackle our messy walk-in storage closet. Oh joy. Time to put on my game face!

Happy Monday, everyone. Get out there and make your wishes happen! And don't forget to link up!

Weekly Wishes 8.5

I've had my eye on this weekly wishes link-up for quite some time but never got around to joining it... until today! What better way is there to commit to a wish or two than putting it on a blog where other people can see it and hold you to it? Plus, I like the idea of a little wish here or there. It has just the right amount of optimism and hope to start out the week.

My goal this week is to get to the final round for at least one of my ballroom competitions. I will be competing in Waltz and Rumba (and possibly West Coast Swing) in a Dancesport competition this Friday, and I am very excited! I've put a lot of time into these routines and have improved a lot, and so I want to show that improvement on the dance floor.

Also related to ballroom dance, I have a sub-goal to get honors on my medals exams this week. We have a professional come and watch our dancing and give us a score on a national level so that we know how we are doing compared to other dancers across America. Fingers crossed!

I just love dancing so much!

I look forward to being a part of this link-up every week. It's inspiring me a ton already!

Go join the fun and set some weekly goals!

And happy Monday, everyone!

Crazy Koop and her German Troop

Even though I lived in the middle of California, I did not want to take Spanish in high school. I didn't care  how "practical' it was; I was set on taking German. My friend Haley had told me good things about the teacher, and I was curious.

That choice changed my life. It truly did.

Dorena Koopman was not your average teacher. She was the ideal teacher - the one that all of my college professors tell me that I need to be. Those golden teachers DO exist, and I was fortunate enough to discover one in room S42 at Bullard High School.

She was so intelligent. She was passionate about German and knew how to teach it. But she also cared for each and every one of her students in a way that not very many teachers do. She had a talent for talking about anything (and I mean anything) and relating it back to German and what we were learning in our classroom. My classmates and I have always fondly said that she taught life.

I learned so many life lessons from Frau Koopman.

She also fought a twelve-year battle with cancer. Liver, lung, breast, and brain cancer.

I was a junior in high school during her twelfth and final year of the battle. April 17th 2009 - four years ago today - was the day when the principal, school psychologist, and other random school officials came into my Advanced German class with the announcement that our beloved teacher had slipped from this life. It was hard. Our class had grown extremely close, and we were like a family on campus. One big, happy German family. And now our comforter and support was gone. So we had to learn to comfort and support each other.

We learned so much from her death. Crazy Koop. Even in death, she was still teaching us things.

I have many memories that I hold close to my heart, particularly of that last year.

Koop was so cool - she actually put the time and effort into having the advanced classes do two plays each year. They were completely in German and everyone had a role. Our very last play before she died was Aschenputtel (Cinderella) and it was so much fun.

This is a picture of Cinderella, the four step-sisters (yes, four, and I'm the blonde one in the middle up top), the step-mother, and Frau Koopman. She's on the far left in the grey. This was a time when she wasn't doing chemotherapy, so she actually had hair.

Ah, I loved being a step-sister. I may or may not have gotten to dance with Prince Jared... (before he drops me on the ground when he sees Cinderella) and it was the most fun I had in the whole play. And Koopman was always surprised that quiet, shy little Ashley had such a loud stage voice. What can I say, Koop? I'm an actress. You should see me now... I just can't shut up in any of my classes. High school was an awkward stage for me. I hope you're watching me and how much I'm growing. All that I'm succeeding in. I owe a lot of it to you, Koop.

And I'm sure my German family agrees.

Seniors, hanging in S42 before it got remodeled.

In my advanced written and oral communications class this semester, we had to write a "This I Believe" essay. For those of you who have not heard of "This I Believe" essays, there is a whole website devoted to showing inspirational essays that people write about things that they believe in. I chose to base my belief on something that Koopman taught me: the power of fighting for something.

It was difficult to write the essay for more than one reason.

1. It has to be around 500 words, if not shorter.
2. I had SO many things that I wanted to say about Koopman and all she taught me.
3. It's a "This I Believe" essay, not a "This Koopman Believes" essay. So I had to try (in only 500 words) to introduce Koopman, the topic of fighting for something, and then relating that to me and my life. I had to keep remembering that this was an essay about me, not an essay about Koopman.
4. I could keep editing and re-writing it forever. And it's still far from perfect.

I wanted to turn it in today though. It seemed the most fitting, since it's April 17th. It seems like it's been longer than four years... and yet it seems like yesterday.

In any case, I figured that I would share the essay on this blog. Maybe it will give you a little glimpse of who Frau Koopman was. Who she IS. If they end up publishing my essay on the This I Believe website, then I will let you guys know. Because that would be cool.

I Will Fight

She was bald. That was the first thing I noticed about my German teacher, followed by her cheesy smile and the clinking sound made by the rings on her fingers when she clapped her hands together. Dorena Koopman quickly became my favorite teacher. She was intelligent. She was humorous. And she was in the middle of a battle with liver, lung, and breast cancer.

As I spent time around Frau Koopman, I noticed that she never complained about her trials. She did not focus on her pain, or on the difficulty of balancing chemotherapy and classes. Instead, she focused on her students; she chose to spend her time and energy fighting for us. Fighting for me. Eventually I realized why she did this: she gained strength and courage by latching onto the good in life. To her, I was something worth fighting for. Her love for her students gave her the power to keep going.

I remember the day when Frau Koopman came to us with the news that the cancer had spread to her brain. Rather than complain about the pain, she used her remaining energy to reassure us. “You’re German students!” she said. Those three words were everything I needed to hear. They were her way of reminding me of what I had learned from being her German student. She wanted me to find the good in my life, latch on to it, and stand up for it – just as she had.

I believe that having something to fight for gives me strength. Turning my focus towards a goal allows me to put my life into perspective and see the good in it. I do not have cancer to battle or students to support, but there are other things I can fight for, such as my family. My family is a foothold I can grasp onto in this busy, stressful world. I find solace and peace when I spend time in the arms of my husband. I receive reassurance and confidence from the love of those closest to me. I will fight for the success and well-being of my family and my future children until the day I die because family keeps me grounded. Family comforts me in a chaotic world. Fighting for family helps me get through the moments of self-doubt, insecurity, and the times when life overwhelms me. And they fight for me too. We support and uplift each other. I love my family, and I will fight for them and everything else that is good in my life. If I cannot fight for those good things, then life is meaningless.

            I celebrate the life of Dorena Koopman because she was the perfect example of how to fight and remain optimistic through the hardest of times. She showed me the importance of grasping the blessings I have and holding onto them until the end. It is the greatest lesson she taught me, and one I will always cherish. I will fight; I will never give up.

So much to say. Only 500 words.

And I still have this. Wearing it now.

I love you Koop, you crazy lady.
Thanks for everything.

I May or May Not

Sometimes, life gets rough. For me... for you... for all of us. I have rough days/weeks, just like everybody else. And this may or may not have been one of those weeks. And it's not over yet.

I may or may not have gone for 42 hours straight with no sleep on Tuesday/Wednesday.

I may or may not be sick right now.

I may or may not have sat on my bum and helped with nothing at rehearsal tonight because I'm sick and tired.

I may or may not be changing my major.

I may or may not be tired of taking 11 classes at once.

I may or may not have lost my voice. And I'm in charge of music at Seussical callbacks tomorrow.

I may or may not have gotten angry at Provo for snowing earlier this week.

I may or may not have a super busy weekend ahead of me.

But ya know what? I'm still SO blessed. So very, very blessed. There could be far worse things that I have to deal with in my life, and I am fortunate to be where I'm at and who I am. Besides... I have so much to look forward to! Only two days of classes left. Just one oral report and one written final left to take. I can sleep in on Wednesday for the first time in forever. Doug and I are going to Tucanos that same day. My father-in-law is coming to visit us in just a couple weeks. Seussical is going to be so fun to work on.

I saw this list on facebook. And I basically agree with every single thing on it:

I should always strive to think positively, count my blessings, and find things to look forward to. Doing that can brighten the days where I want to collapse and do nothing. I know I will be okay! And that is such a great thing to know.

Plus... I have such a great husband. Picking me up from campus even though it only takes 15 minutes to walk, giving up his time just so he can be at home with me while I'm sitting and stressing over homework or projects, smiling the biggest smiles I've ever seen when he finally sees me again after a long school day, making me food and doing dishes, telling me I'm beautiful when I do not feel pretty at all... yep. He's a keeper. I'm so glad I'm with him forever.

There is sunshine in my soul

I'm thankful for my ability to be positive.
Some people have problems with this, and I'm pretty glad that I am not one of those people. I really don't know how I'm able to maintain a positive attitude; it's sort of just something that I do every day. I go to sleep every night feeling at least good, if not great. Even if my day has been stressful or confusing, I can't keep from feeling happy once I start praying before I go to sleep because I just start remembering everything that is good in my life, and it cheers me up. And if I ever wake up in the morning and feel grumpy, it never lasts too long.

I think that I only ever feel truly sad if I force myself to. Or if I'm trying (for whatever reason) to get attention from people so that they'll ask me what's wrong. I did that more when I was younger, but I'm better at not trying to push any stress of mine off on other people now. Hahaha, sometimes I'm such a drama queen!

In any case, I'm thankful that it's hard for me to be grumpy or negative. That way, I don't really have to try to be positive. It's really handy not only in my life, but in the lives of others as well. If I am happy, then I'm better able to make others happy and I'm more ready to listen to them and comfort them.

A good friend of mine recently asked me what made me happy. It was a question that, surprisingly, really got me thinking because I never think about why I'm happy. But once I got to really thinking about it, I found it easier to identify things that made me happy... and you're seeing a small handful of those things this month during my blog posts! The posts tend to be really general, but my list of things I'm grateful for is rather extensive. And the things that I'm thankful for directly correlate with what makes me happy. In fact, I think that the lists are pretty much identical.

I'm just a happy-go-lucky girl. And I'm so thankful for that. In fact, my nickname ever since I was little was "Sunshine". Even now, my mom will sometimes use that term of endearment when she writes me a note or something. I guess it's a rather fitting nickname. Sunshine. Bright. Happy. Cheerful.

And I sure do love sunshine...


Speaking of happiness, this was how I ended my day today: eating a couple of these delicious creme puffs. YUM!

And who said that happiness wasn't easy?

It's a Wonderful Life

Can I just say that I've been in a great mood for the past 24 hours? I suppose there are multiple factors for this, one of those being that I don't have any homework left for tonight other than memorization for an acting scene... and another reason being that there's a new Psych episode tonight. Factor in bread sticks, friends, the wonderful temperature, afternoon naps, getting accepted to my major, and the fact that I started a great new class today, (among several other things) and maybe you can start to see why I'm in such a good mood.

The proper question to ask is: can life get better?

Never mind, that's not a proper question.

Because the only answer is "Oh yes it can!"

A better question is: how can I make life better?

Think about it.

That's something I'm working on... making the great life I already have even better by the day. New friendships, opportunities, challenges, discoveries... they all work together to make each day a new adventure. And it certainly is a wonderful life!